


Stay Together

by maa_fuu



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Sexy Zone
Genre: I add a little hokujess here lol, M/M, sorry for the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-08-19 01:56:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8184673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maa_fuu/pseuds/maa_fuu
Summary: Kento didn't deal with the break up very well. (Based on 2NE1's song titled "Stay Together")





	1. Chapter 1

[KENTO's POV]

 _거울에 비쳐진 내 모습처럼 그대도 눈물 흘리고 있다면  
(If he ever cried just like myself that reflected in the mirror)_

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and couldn't help myself but to think of him again.  
One tear slipped from my right eye.

Did you ever cry?  
Just like me now? Just like I did many times?

I felt so miserable, so helpless. Even though 6 months have passed since the break up, I still couldn't get over him.

_단 한번 내 생각 한적 있다면 지금 달려와 날 안아줄래요  
(If you ever think of me, will you come to me and hug me now?)_

I wiped the tears and thought.

Did he ever think of me once after the break up?  
Just like I did all the time. Like I did in every breathe I took, in every second I lived?

Our relationship has turned into disaster.  
A year and half were wasted.  
It was all butterfly at first but somehow we got tired, no, _he_ got tired. And eventually the break up happened.

I've been asking myself all this time.  
What was wrong? Where did I go wrong?

But I couldn't seem to find any answer. And today was just like any other day.  
All that came to me was the urge need to hug him again.

So I closed the mirror and got myself ready for the day.

_눈을 감아도 그대 얼굴 생각이 나서_  
(Even if I close my eyes, all I see is you)  
숨을 쉬고 있어도 계속 숨이 막혀서  
(Even if I’m breathing fine, I’m suffocating) 

The first month after the break up was so hard. It still hard now, but back then I remembered how I was so miserable and depressed that my mother considered bring me to the psychologist.

I cringed at the memory.  
I didn't want to share any of these feelings with strangers. I just wanted to share it with one person. But unfortunately that one person didn't want me anymore.

It hurt as hell.

Every time I closed my eyes all I see was his face. How he wake up and smile beautifully on every morning I got chances to sleep next to him.  
How pretty his face when he was asleep. And the soft expressions he would make every time he looked at me.

I shook my head.  
This kind of thoughts will just make everything worst. So I just inhale and exhale deeply each time the thoughts like this came.

But somehow I always failed.  
I always tried to breathe properly but each time I look at him or just think of him.  
It seems like I was suffocating.

Oh, God, why it's so hurting like this?

_우리 첫 만남은 오직 상처만 남은 슬픈 영혼 같은걸  
(Our first meeting just like a sad soul left with nothing but pain)_

The first time we came to realize that we love each other was after his break up.

There is this girl from his college whom he met at one of his classes.  
They were from different department but this one compulsory class for all the fresh year students brought them together.  
He fell for her right away. Took him 3 months to made her his. And a year after, he found out that the girl cheated on him. 

I remembered he called me in the middle of the night told me everything after their break up. And I drove my way to his place just to comfort him.

He couldn't come to Juri's place or any of his close friends' because he is that kind of guy who lived with pride not to cry in front of anyone. Even in front of his best friend.

But somehow he made an exception that night and cried in front of me.  
Made me feel like he trust me.  
It's not like he didn't trust his friends, but people always have some faces they couldn't show in front of anyone. Yet he showed me that face, that side of him, that night.

After that I stayed with him for days.  
Then one day, we were having a movie night at his place when he suddenly looked at me. His face was determined. Then he just leaned in and kissed me. I gasped at the sudden turn of event.

I was so confused at first. And he apologized immediately after the realization came to him that he just kissed me out of the blue.  
Abruptly I stood up and said that I need to leave and then I just left him alone in his room.

I spent the night awake. Thinking of what was just happened. And I started to think that Fuma might mean it.  
I always had this confuse feelings toward him.  
One day he is my best friend. But then the next day I wanted a boyfriend like him.

 _A boyfriend like him._  
That one thought was what brought me to realization that I might love him too.  
So I did all that I could do at that time. Call him the first time in the morning.

It was awkward. But I successfully made my point that I love him and I was sorry that I ran away.

After that we met again at his place and talked for hours. And he convinced me that I wasn't his escape from his previous heartbreak. And that he wanted us to be together.

_나의 마지막 말을 꼭 행복하라는 바보 같은 말들 뿐인걸  
(My last words for you, I wish you would be happy, was foolish)_

But, one day I saw that he started to change.  
And then he just said that words. Out of the blue. Like when he kissed me for the first time that night.

I've asked him why. Pleaded. But he just threw me out and left me.  
After a week of fail attempts, I gave up. I just concluded that he didn't want me anymore. That he didn’t love me anymore.

On my last attempt, after he yelled at me for being so noisy.  
Before he threw me out again, I said to him.

If this is what you really want, then I really wish you happiness.

It was foolish of me. How could I wish him happiness when I didn't want to let him go?  
It was just another sweet word, I realized. I wanted to play victim, a kind-heart victim.

But apparently I'm not quite for the role.  
I'm not strong enough to watch him together with anyone but me.  
I'm not strong enough to laughing again with others, to fell in love again.  
I'm not strong enough to be alone after I knew how it feels to have someone who would stay by your side.

In the end I just lied to myself.

_날 사랑해줘요 다시 내게 와줘요_  
(Please love me, please come to me again)  
예전처럼 다시 날 안아줘요  
(Please hug me again like you used to) 

And today was not an exception.

I've learned how to live with fake smiles.  
So I made myself in auto-smile-mode this morning when I got on the bus because we got a photoshoot with the whole band today.

I've expected the worst. But today the director gave what was worst of the worst.  
It's not the first time that they wanted us to pose together for the camera. Not knowing what had happened to us.  
Before, we were all too willingly posed together, but now he didn't even looked at my eyes. Not even once.

I got used to it, but did not mean I'm okay with it.  
So, when the director said that he wanted us to pose on bed (again). Re-pose our photoshoot from years ago. I just couldn't help myself but panicked.

Different outfit, different set. But when I leaned on the head of the bed, I felt like the irrational wave of tears wanted to make their appearance out from my eyes.

A few years ago when we were told that we would have a photoshoot like this, we were laughing and making fun at each other. It was fun.  
But now, we were not even talking to each other. And they wanted me to cuddle with him. This was just too much to ask.

He climbed the bed and laid his head on my lap. His expression was unreadable. I was so focused trying to read his face so I didn't hear when the director said that he would started the photoshoot now.

I was brought back to reality again when we were finished and I heard the director called my name.

"Nakajima-san, are you all right? You look kinda pale" the director said.  
I'm passing all the well-known too professional and responsible Nakajima Kento out of the window, and lied.  
"I'm sorry I'm not really well today. I guess I catch a cold"  
I needed an excuse to end this torture.

The director just nodded and said to all the people at the room that they should hurry and end the photoshoot soon so I could head back home.  
He said sorry once to me, then talked to the photographer about our next pose.

Then my eyes accidentally met Fuma's who already sat up again next to me. He looked at me for half a second then looked away again.  
I still couldn't read his face.

Next, the director told us to sit next to each other.  
He was just a few centimeter away from my side.  
I side glance at him for a few times, and ended up feeling more miserable than before.

Please love me. Come to me again. Like you used to.

Those words hanged on my lips until we finished the photoshoot.  
I thanked the staff and flew immediately from the set, to my hideout at home.  
Probably to cried my eyes out because I felt so pathetic right now. And probably to stop myself from reaching out to touch him and hug him again. 

I really missed that hug. I dreamed about him coming from time to time, hugging me and said that it's okay now. That he would always stay by my side. But that was just a dream.

_날 위로해줘요 지금 전화해줘요_  
(Please comfort me, please call me)  
예전처럼 그대 목소리 듣고싶네요  
(I want to listen to your voice like before) 

I slammed my door loudly. Glad no one was around in the house. Because my attitude would just inviting my mother to came in and demanded a talk.

I wasn't in the mood to talk.  
All I wanted was him to come and comfort me.  
Telling the joke was now over and we could be together again. But I know it was impossible.

Now that no one was around. I let the tears slipped out from my eyes.  
I hide my face behind the pillow. Hide the miserable sound that came out from my mouth.  
After the worst wave of tears passed, I looked up again. I felt the heat on my cheeks. My head dizzy.

My phone suddenly buzzed. And for a stupid second, I really wish it was Fuma. But all that appeared on my phone screen was Marius' name.

I hide behind my pillow and started to cry again.  
I missed his voice. I really missed his voice.  
I wanted him to call me again, comforting me with that soft and kind voice, saying that everything's all right, like he used to before, every time we missed each other.

_널 잊을거라고 goodbye 약속했지만_  
(I said I will forget you, I promised goodbye)  
아직 널 보면 나 떨려 we got to stay together  
(I still trembling when I see you, we got to stay together) 

I was so dead set on forgetting him, yet it felt impossible with each day passed.  
I thought I was strong enough to see him at work, yet now I was like a messed, wrecking inside. Crying over the pieces of heart that torn apart because of him.

I just couldn't help myself but to think again and again that we were meant to be together. We got to be together.

_잠이 오질 않아 너도 나와 같은지_  
(I cannot sleep, are you too?)  
항상 난 떨려 I love you forever  
(I’m always trembling, I love you forever) 

I really wished he would come to me on each night that I'm awake thinking about him. But I promised goodbye to him. I even wished him happiness. So, really, a phone call would just be a bother to him. And he would never answer my phone anyway.

But how am I supposed to live like this?  
I felt like trembling each time I see him, each time I think of him.  
My love for him is not easy to kill. I love him with all my might. I love him forever. Like I have never ever love anyone or anything before.

_내 생각하는지 아닌걸 알았지  
(I know you didn’t think about me)_

But, he didn't love me the way I loved him. And I guessed he never think of me the way I think about him.

He never think of me.  
So, I'd just break free from this love. Like he did, break free from me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If he thought it would be easy, he's wrong. In the end, Kento is not the only one hurting. But Fuma knows he is not the one to whine about the pain now.

[FUMA POV]

_상처는 눈물을 남기고 생각에 잠기고_  
The wound leaves the tears and stays in the mind   
_친구들의 위로 들리지 않고_  
I didn’t listen to my friend’s comfort   
_하루 종일 울고 죽고 싶을 만큼 가슴이 아프고  
I cried all day and my heart’s hurting to the point I wanted to die_

It almost killed me every time I have to see him at work.  
He was visibly devastated but I couldn't just reach out to him and hug him like nothing ever happened.  
Because like it or not, I'm the one who threw him away and made him this way.

But I got no choice. We were on our dead end. And if separation was the best chance he could get. I didn't mind playing the bad guy at all.

What I didn't expected was that it's not as easy as I thought, saw him got tortured by my words and my ignorance. It almost killed me when I had to yell at him and shoved him away from me. But really I didn't know what else I could do to make him forget me and move one.

I told myself everyday that everything will eventually be all right for him. I tried to convince myself those words but I failed many times.  
Because when I looked at him, he always looked so devastated and his condition is just getting worse and worse by day. I really can’t look at him now. So I decided to stop looking at his eyes.

I stopped looking at his beautiful eyes so I didn't have to remember how those beautiful eyes smile every time he smiles. How those beautiful eyes looked at me with that soft feeling that will run a goosebump in me every time I see it. And how those beautiful eyes reflected his happiness.

I remembered the day when we broke up, I ran to my room with tears in my eyes and my brother got shocked by what he saw.  
He tried to ask me why and comfort me but I refused him thousands times so he called someone that he knew would help him keep his brother from any kind of self-harm.

I had to say that I kind of angry when I saw Juri at my doorstep an hour later after my brother left me alone in the room. But also glad that he was smart enough not to call Kento, because really that's the last thing I would hope even though that was the one thing I needed the most in the world.

No one knew about our relationship. Not even our parents and bandmates. So when Juri asked me what the hell is happening to me, I couldn't just blurted out that I broke up with Kento.

"Dude, you really are scaring me at the moment. Tell me what happened" Juri said.

"Just leave me alone!" I shouted behind the pillow. I was lying on my bed with my head faced the pillow so Juri wouldn't be able to see my pathetic self crying.

"But I'm 100% sure you would do something stupid if I just leave now"

Juri was right because I was considering to just drowning myself in the bathtub so I didn't have to face this life again. But I couldn't tell him that so I just silent myself.

Juri made himself comfortable in my room. He didn’t seem want to leave me and I heard he called his mother telling her that he would stay at my place. After midnight, finally I got some of my self control back. I walked to the bathroom and washed my face. Saw my reflection in the mirror and cringed at how awful I looked. When I got back to my room, Juri already sat on my bed.

"Feel like telling me what happened now?" he asked.

I told him everything about me and Kento. And how we just broke up like that because I was just a moron and Kento didn't deserve a moron like me.  
Juri kept his expression neutral even when I pause myself for a few seconds after I told him that I was gay and dated Kento.  
He later told me after I finished telling him my story that he kinda knew that there was something going on between Kento and me. Because even though I keep spending time with him and the others, he could tell that I’ve been gradually became clingier to Kento. But he waited for me to tell him myself rather than just confront me because this is not some laughing matter that could be told with some witty comments like we always do in our everyday conversations.

"But seriously, how could you kept it as secret for a year and half?" Juri asked.  
"We don’t want to cause problems to anyone. Well, you know Kento, he is the kind of guy who always got insecure and he hates it more than anything to cause any problem to anyone. And to be honest, I'm not ready either with what my parents and you guys would think of us" I said.  
Juri looked like he was in disbelief. And he looked kind of angry.  
"Don’t you trust me? I will never judge you for anything, man! And in the past years you never made any of us feeling uncomfortable even though we didn’t know about you two, so really, loving a guy doesn’t mean you change from being Fuma we know!”  
“….”  
“And your parents too, they are the most open minded parents I ever knew, beside my parents of course! They would always love you no matter what, Fuma!"  
"It's not that easy! Society still thinks about this kind of relationship as a sin! I don't think my parents would be thrill to hear that their first son is a sinner"  
"But you never tried! You would never know what they think about this kind of relationship if you never talked to them!"  
"It's not that easy, Juri! Just a few weeks ago I heard my mom said to my younger sister that gays are society's problem!! How could I tell them after I heard my mom said that?!"  
"...."

The room filled with emptiness after I told Juri about my problems. But Juri didn't seem want to give up so quick like this so he asked.

"What about Kento's parents?"  
"They didn't know either. He didn't want to drop a bomb to his parents and make them hospitalize with the news of their only child dating a guy"  
"Have you tried to tell your band mates? I'm pretty sure they would be supportive"

I didn't know what to answer, because one of my main problems was our group.  
Juri waited for my answer and something crossed his mind and his expression looked so scandalous.

"You are not by any chance got discovered by the management, right?"

My silences are enough as an answer to Juri.

"Man, you two are so fucked up."

Juri looked suddenly tired and he probably admitted by now that really there's no answer to this problem. But, I was wrong when I thought he gave up. Because a week later Juri approached me again when I was just about to leave the practice room.

"I've had enough of this! This is not fair for you two! Don't even make me start with how dead Kento looked in the past week, because that would need hundred pages to describe"  
"I'm not in the mood for this, Juri"  
"But you two are dying!!! How can I leave you guys dying like this?"  
"Then what am I supposed to do? Getting back together again? And place this group in catastrope again? Make our parents hate us? Tell me!"  
"The Fuma I know would rebel and fight the management now, and bravely coming out to his family. That's Fuma I know."  
"It is not that easy, Juri!" I growled at him dangerously. I was tired with this kind of conversation.  
"Oh yeah, it is easy! All you have to do is face your feelings, telling both of your parents that you love each other, and tell the truth about your relationship to your bandmates so if the worst is really going to happen with your band, at least you guys are fighting together!"

Juri's words hit deep. I know he was right. But I didn’t want to place Kento in any disaster. I didn’t want him to be hate by anyone or be in the middle of trouble because of me. He is too precious for me.   
But I couldn’t tell Juri that so I just ran away from him because I didn't know what to say.

Because it's too late for us. There was no choice and we both have been hurt. The scars are permanent. And my soul would just continue crying to the point I'd die drowning in my tears.

_난 또 하루 종일 전화길 붙잡고_  
Again I spent the day gripping my phone   
_그대 보고 싶어 못 참고_  
I cannot stand it, I want to see him   
_혼자 또 의미 없는 하루를 보내고  
And once again I spent the meaningless day alone_

When the director said the photoshoot was over, Kento ran away quickly from the set.  
He looked pale. But I know it's not due to the cold like he told us before. I knew him so much to be able to interpret correctly any of his actions and gestures by now. His smile for the past 6 months was fake. And I knew the reasons behind all the excuses he made for the past 6 months whenever he fled early from work.

"Kento-kun has been sick too often in the past 6 months. Is he really okay?"

Marius suddenly appeared beside me.  
I just shrugged and gathered my belongings, got myself ready to leave the set as well.  
I could feel Marius was looking at me, but I didn't dare to look back at him. Then I heard he sighed.

"I'll just call him later, then"  
Fortunately Marius left me after he said that.

When I finished, my eyes met Shori's who apparently been looking at me all this time with concern. When I threw him a questioning look, he just looked away and left.

And it didn't stop there. After Marius and Shori, now Sou also looked at me with worried look. I threw him a questioning look too, but he just smiled and shook his head. He tapped my shoulder once before he leave and that really made me think that the kids must have realized that something was wrong with us.

Back to my room, I threw my bag to the floor and myself to the bed.  
I closed my eyes and could see Kento's image immediately on my mind. Image of him crying because of me.  
I turned to my side and stared at my phone screen.  
I opened the list of contacts I had and when I found Kento's name, my motion stop and I continued staring at my phone screen. Stared at his name

Oh God, if only he know how this is killing me too.

I gripped my phone tight. I hated this situation.  
I hated the fact I couldn't see him when actually that was pretty much what I needed to stay sane and alive right now.  
But, instead of gathering my courage to fight back like what Juri suggested, I just locked myself in my hideout again and spent another meaningless day without him by my side.

_날 사랑해줘요 다시 내게 와줘요_  
Please love me, please come to me again   
_예전처럼 다시 날 안아줘요  
Please hug me again like you used to_

“Are you okay?”

I lift my head to saw to whom Marius was talking and found Kento, with face that looks so much like porcelain standing on the door.

Kento just nodded and smile a little to Marius before he walked to the table, put his bag and sat on one of the free chair. 

“You look so pale, are you really okay? You don’t have to come for the practice if you really not feeling well, you know?” Shori added.

“Well, I’m not feeling really well, but I cannot skip today’s practice since we are going to learn the new steps today” Kento tried to be reasonable but that just made the kids looks even more worried.

“I think your health is more important than the new steps. You should just go home” Shori said.

“No, it’s okay. I’m fine. I won’t force myself. I will just try remembering the new steps so I can practice alone when I’m feeling well, that’s all” 

Shori looked at Marius and the later just shrugged and they sighed in defeat. Just then the door open again and revealed Sou and our dance instructor, so we close the conversation for now.

As we learned the new steps, I, and I was sure that everyone in the room also noticed, realized that Kento have been gradually lost his balance. But we kept silence because he kept assuring everyone that he was okay.

“You shouldn’t be here. You should just go home like they told you!”

I approached him once we finished. He looked so pale and he was sure the biggest danger to himself at this state. 

Kento looks like he was in disbelief because I approached him first and actually have a proper conversation with him now. Well, I couldn’t blame him because I was the first one who stopped talking to him. And now I scolded him for being a danger to himself, talking like actually I wasn’t the one in fault that he was like that.

“Why you never listen to anyone?!” I continued scolding him. And now he looked at me with anger in his face.

“You have no rights to be mad with me. Just leave me alone” he answered coldly then leaved. And by his words, all the things I wanted to say just died behind my throat. 

Later that night, I came back to my house and quickly heading to my room. I closed the door, locked it, and then I just stand there. Slowly I leaned my head on the wooden door.

You are so stupid, Fuma.  
You are the biggest moron alive in the universe.

I started to remember the time when we were still together.  
 _It shouldn’t be like this_. I told so to myself many times, but this fear was so big.  
But the feeling of miss him, wanted to touch and hug him again also as big as my fear.  
And still I kept thinking that we shouldn’t be together. But then again I wanted to be love by him again.

Oh God, I really made no sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ........ it's longer than I thought.  
>  And so dark. I guess I was just thinking too much when I wrote this.  
> I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for the broken grammar too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Took him 6 months to realize that he was wrong, and took 6 months for the other to finally know what's really going on.

[Fuma’s PoV]

_날 위로해줘요 지금 전화해줘요_   
_(Please comfort me, please call me)_   
_예전처럼 그대 목소리 듣고싶네요_   
_(I want to listen to your voice like before)_

“Wake up!”

I felt like someone was shaking my body and pulling my arm. My head hurt, and so my body. And it just got worse when I opened my eyes and saw the sunlight coming through the window. I threw my head back but met with wooden floor immediately. Wait, wooden floor?

“Why are you sleeping on the floor, Fuma?”   
I tried to recognize the voice but my head couldn’t process anything at the moment.

“Come on”  
The owner of the voice pulling my hands and help me stand up. With his help, I could manage to walk toward the bed without bumping or crashing anything and finally I sit on the bed.

“Here, drink some water”  
I did what he told me, and I felt a little bit clearer after I drank the whole bottle of mineral water he gave me. And seems like the water also helped my brain to finally work and now I could process who’s voice it was; Juri’s.

“What are you doing here?” my voice was so small and cracked but it seems like he could hear it clearly.

“You didn’t answer any of my messages and you even ignored my calls, so I thought that I should pay you a visit.”

“Did they send you here?”

His reason, I could tell that wasn’t all when I threw a look at the clock and saw that it was still 9 in the morning. He knows that I’m not a morning person, nor he is. So, if he could be at my house, in my room, so early in the morning like this, it must be not due to like he said. He never complained when I overslept and didn’t answer his messages, so why now bother to pay me a visit just because I didn’t answer it immediately? It must be something else that made him here now so early.

“They mean no harm” Juri said simply.

“Yeah, but they don’t have rights to meddling with my life”

Juri just sighed. He then sat with me on the bed as well.  
"Sou told me that yesterday they heard you two shouting at each other and he asked for help because they know whatever they said, it would never reach you"

"I don't see why I should listen to yours, anyway, so why bother?"  
Yeah, I know I kind of being a jerk right now, but I was tired with life and Juri already scolded me enough in the past six months. And if you asked me, I'd rather fight with him as well so I don't have to listen to him scolding me ever again. 

Juri just sighed again and said,  
"I don't want to fight now, Fuma"  
I kept silent and he continued.  
"Listen, why dont't you call it off already? The whole broken heart things with Kento, I mean. You two been dying so much in the past six months and I have enough watching it. Even the others feel it that you are dying. I even caught Hokuto and Kouchi talking about you _two_ more than once. You mean to keep it a secret but by the way you are now, you just like announcing out loud that you guys once dating and now separating."

"Shut up!" I groaned while threw my upper body to the pillows and covered my eyes with my arms.  
"Just go, will you? We've talked enough about this already. I'm tired, Juri" I said miserably to Juri but he didn't seems to move even an inch from my bed.  
I heard he took his phone out and clicking something. Whatever he texted and to whoever it was, I hoped it didn't have something to do with Kento.

"Let's get out from here!" Juri said again after he finished texting.  
"I thought it was clear to you that I'm not in the mood to do anything today. Just go, leave me alone!" I said, still covered my eyes with my arm. My voice sounded so weak that it was a miracle Juri could hear me.  
"You cannot be like this forever. Come on. We are just going to go and have lunch with the others. I promise you no more me scolding you for today."  
I still kept my silent and Juri said to me, he sounded like he run out his patience, "Urgh, come on, Fuma!"   
He stood up and pulled my arms until I fell off the bed.  
I groaned and glared dangerously seeing his stupid smile. But in the end I walked to the bathroom and got myself ready for a day out.

***

My first reaction when we arrived at Matsushima family's apartment an hour later was a glare at Juri that scream "seriously?!!".  
But Juri just laughed and pushed the bell. A moment later the door opened and revealed...Marius?  
Okay, so he promised not to scold me anymore today, but in exchange he prepared a troop to scold me in his place? Very funny, Juri.

"Fuma-kun! Juri-kun! Come in!" Marius smiled. Too bright for my mood today. He let us in and all in all acted like he was the owner of this place when in fact he wasn't.  
I didn't even surprise when I threw a look at the kitchen's direction and met with the scene of Shori and Sou in aprons, debating whether they should boil the pasta first or cook the sauce first.  
But, I didn't count it when suddenly from behind Hokuto came and tapped my shoulder once before walking towards the kitchen to help Shori and Sou.

"What are you planning, Juri?" I finally asked, but he just grinned and said, "it's fine".  
Then he left me just like that, walked toward the direction where Hokuto came and sat on the sofa.  
I threw a look around the place for assuring myself that no one would suddenly appeared from nowhere, but even if someone really did, I didn't think that I would be surprise anymore.

And it turned out that we were really there to having lunch plus watching some movies. Long story short, Sou's sister went to their hometown in Shizuoka for a few days, leaving Sou behind here alone in Tokyo. Juri took the opportunity and told Sou that they should hang out together at his house, inviting some friends and having fun together. That's the official story Juri told me, but I knew it wasn't all. Later that evening I threathen Sou and he told me he was sorry because he told about me and Kento shouting the day before and he asked Juri what happened to me and Kento, but then Juri suddenly asked if he was alone because he felt like having a movie day with meals at a friend's house. I know Juri could be absurd and spontanous sometime, but I still could smell something fishy here. All because of Hokuto's presence in the house. He was the guy who would turn you down if you asked him out, not only on workdays, but also in his holidays. But now he was in Matsushima family's apartment, acting all too close with my bandmates (like literally too close, like he was their brother or something), and I swear I could feel that he kept staring at me.

My suspicions was proven right, because when I slipped from the chaos the kids made during the dinner Hokuto followed me (we finally ordered pizzas for dinner because we wouldn't dare to ruin the kitchen twice just so we could be hang by Sou's sister but instead we kind of made the dining room a mess with all the sauce fight and I guess we would still be hang by her in the end).  
See no reason to wait or start the conversation with idle talk, Hokuto asked me right to the point, "what happened between you and Kento?"

I knew he would asked me that so I kept my eyes on the night view full of lights in front of us. Hokuto sighed, "okay, if you don't want to talk, then please listen to what I'm gonna say".  
Hokuto was silent for like 5 seconds, and breathe deeply before he blurted out, "I'm dating Jesse".  
By that, now Hokuto got my attention. I looked at him, totally shocked, but now Hokuto was the one looking away. For a moment my brain seems like it got some problem processing his words but when it finally did, I tighten my grip at the rail. 

Hokuto continued, "it's always confusing, the thing between us, but Jesse keep pushing me to jump out of my shadow and the next thing I know, we are together. I brought up this matter to the others a week after we decided to make it official. We discussed it for the whole week. And more than once I thought to myself that this was the worst idea. But we didn't want to play hide and seek with our friends and because they are our friends, we trust them. We trust they would never hate us no matter what we choose. And they really are. They even jokes around about wanting to be our best mens if we ever fly to America to have our wedding". Hokuto laughed, he speak without any haste, like he already scripted it, but I know by the look on his expression that he was serious, that this wasn't a stupid act he played so he could convinced me to back together with Kento.

Then he turned to face me again. "And now, a month have passed. I'm happy with how things are, and now all I need to do is to be honest with you, and Kento". The sound of Kento's name somehow made a weird feeling in my stomach.  
"I'm not stupid. I could see that you both have been together for this past year or maybe longer than I actually realized. And to tell you the truth, you guys are the reason why I want to try this thing with Jesse. I know it's dangerous, but he is worth the try, you know".  
Still, no words could come out from this mouth. I really couldn't think about anything at the moment.

"I want you two to be happy again. You guys are my best and first real friends I got when I just entered the jimusho. Seeing you guys like this, it breaks my heart. I look up to you guys, _we_ look up to you. So, I really beg you to reconsider your choice and please be together again, because trust me, two is better than one. And you could overcome anything if the two of you are together," Hokuto said to me with smile. We stay silent for a while until Hokuto took another deep breathe, tapped me once in the shoulder and said, "think about it" then left.

I tried to process the words Hokuto been telling me earlier and ended up cursing myself because why I shouldn't? I've made the biggest mistake my entire life could possibly make. And I really should try to make things right. For once, I was honest with myself: I'm tired with my life without Kento beside me, I'm tired pretending that I'm okay, that this is the right thing to do, I'm tired pretending that I don't want Kento.

But the fear, yes, the fear somehow stopped me to take my first step to make everything right again.  
I cursed even more to myself. I need a word that beyond the level of "moron" to describe myself, because moron will never be enough to describe me and the choice I made.

At time like this, I really need Kento. Without him I feel like losing my mind. I'm not myself anymore. Who would guess that the easy-going-to the-point-that-looks-like-didn't-care-of-everything Kikuchi Fuma could be a mess just because he lost his Kento? It doesn't make sense even to me. How could I be so pathetic and afraid so much like this? I wasn't like this. This is not me. But even so, I could do nothing to move from this deadly sea of devastation that drowning me to its depth. 

I felt so dumb and the chaos inside was torturing. Before, whenever I feel like this, Kento always seem to able make me feel good about myself and in the end he would always be able to save me. But now he's not here.  
If we were still together, I'm pretty sure he would hug me and kiss the fear away.... But he's not here anymore. He's not here to catch me. And the realization of losing Kento because of my stupidity suddenly made me feel more hopeless than I already was in the past months.

This kind of thoughts, and the memory of Kento comforting me like he used to, somehow made a tear slipped from my eye.

If only I could just call you and end everything now.

_꼭 잊을거라고 goodbye 약속했지만_   
_(I said I should, I have to forget you, I promised you goodbye)_   
_아직 널 보면 나 떨려 we got to stay together_   
_(I still trembling when I see you, we got to stay together)_   
_잠이 오질 않아 너도 나와 같은지_   
_(I can’t sleep, are you too?)_

It was Monday. We had our Shokura filming on Monday.  
I arrived first, it was unusual for me to arrive so early like this, but I just glad because I really needed a moment to rearrange my mind before I have to face Kento again.

What Hokuto said to me, it kind of made all the chaos inside me even worse. I'm honestly confused. I didn't want to drop a bomb or something that would ruin everything we have achieved so far as a group. Sexy Zone have eventually healed after all the harsh things happened to us, I would never want Kento and the kids to suffer again like we were before. But at the same time I felt like dying to have Kento as mine. And that could lead us to another unpleasant event again.

Before I could arrange my mind, Sou arrived and he casually greeted me. I took a few minute before suddenly -I swear I didn't know where did I picked this courage up- asked him out of the blue, "what do you think if I told you that I like Kento?". I regret ever said a thing because after that Sou looked at me with a weird mix of shock and confuse and looked totally clueless what to say. 

"Forget it" I tried to end it, eager to leave the room immediately, but as I reached the doorknob Sou answered, "I don't mind. _We don't mind_ ”.   
I stopped at my motion, and Sou continued, "well, you see, we aren't stupid, we kind of knew what's going on". Slowly I turned my head a bit, I couldn't look at him at his eyes so instead I stare at the floor and said, 

“How did you find it out?” I dare asked him.  
“Like I said, we knew even if you didn’t say a thing to us” Sou answered.  
"I'm sorry for not telling you guys" I fully face him now but still couldn’t look him in the eyes.  
"That's okay. We know it doesn't like you didn't trust us, but it more like you unnecesarrily trying to protect us. I looked at him now, felt a little bit confused and shocked by what he said just a second ago.

Seems like Sou could read the confusion on my face so he said, “Don't get me wrong, I'm eternally grateful for having you and Kento as our senpais and bandmates, but as much as you want to protect us and make us happy, we also want to protect you and make you two happy. You once told me that give and take should be equal and only when the feelings were equal we could reach the true meaning of trust" 

I looked at Sou this time. I should say that I was really shocked by how fast this little Shizuoka boy grew up. But he was right, to trust someone you need to have the equal feelings. It doesn't mean that you should give back everything that you take from someone, but when you could take something and honestly grateful to that person and you didn't have to deal with some compulsory feeling to pay him back, it means you trusting him. And the same goes to the giver. If he could give something without expecting anything as rewards then it means he is trusting the person he give things. But even so, you better not refuse the thing that the other people wants to give to you wholeheartedly, because declining their offers, their ‘hearts’ means you didn't trust them. And this was exactly what Sou tried to remind me. The kids trust us, but we, _I_ didn't. If we were indeed trust him, we would never hide this from them in the first place. They wanted us to protecting each other, but we felt more superior than them, we were so arrogant that we thought we don't need them to protect us. But we were wrong, we need them as much as they need us.

"But what if it would lead us to another catasthrope?" I asked him the biggest question that haunting me.  
"Then let it be. Shori even sure that this time they could never shake us that easily. We were too young back then. We haven't finished build our castle yet and they stormed us with chaos. But this time we have carefully build our castle. It's not big enough, but doesn't mean it could be break easily" Sou said to me with smile and I felt like a ray of light coming through my chaos heart.  
"Who's author you copied that from?" I started to smile again as I said. And Sou just chuckled and answered, "Well , that was actually no author's words, but Shori's".   
These brats really have grown up I guess. Instead of saying thank you, I walked close to him and mess his neatly done hair. He hates it when someone mess around with his hair, but he knows that this was the way I thank him.

When we started the filming, I felt clearer than I was in the past months. And when I looked at Kento as we performed together with the kids, a sudden realization struck in me. I love him. And that was the answer to my never-ending fear, but well, we finally reached the end now, so it's no longer a never-ending fear.

I was the one who ended it. I promise to myself that this was a goodbye for sure, but now that I saw him, singing together with him, I felt like trembling.   
It wasn't the trembling feeling like when you see your crush going out with someone else. But it was the trembling feeling of a realization how much you love someone until you heart ache. A good ache, of course. And it just made me realize more that I need that person in my life. End of the story.

*******

[Kento's pov]  
 _내 생각하는지 아닌걸 알았지_  
 _(I know you didn’t think of me)_

I could feel that Fuma been staring at me all day. It actually got me confused. Because why would he looked at me after spent six months ignoring and avoiding me? I really could never understand that. But, this past six months have made me realized how much he didn't care about me. I know he never think about me ever since we broke up, so maybe it was just a mild concern of my physical condition? Maybe last time I really looked that bad? Fuma is nothing if not caring. He cherished the band as much as we cherished it. So maybe he just afraid that I might cause some trouble to the band with all my stubborness.

The thought that he only care about the band's well being than me was actually hurting. So much.   
But who am I to complain? He didn't even love me anymore. And I have convinced myself after our last not so well encounter that I would take the first step to walk away from his life. Only that it wasn't as easy as I wanted it to be. Like today, when he looked at me like that I couldn't help but think that maybe there are still a chance left for us.

But he never think about you, Kento! The sound from the back of mind reminding me for the numerous times. I really should stop this for once and for all. I should move on.

_누군가 내게 와줘 애기해줬으면_   
_(If someone ever told me before)_   
_처음부터 이사랑은 잘못된 거라고_   
_(That from the from the first time, this love will never work)_

It was Friday, I only had two classes to attend in the morning and free for the rest of the day because I got no job scheduled and I just planned to lay around in my room, maybe watch some movies or play games, and maybe I would just end up paying back all sleeping hours I've missed all this time to myself. But then before I could dash from my class to reach my car, my phone buzzed. It was from Hokuto. I had to furrow my eyebrows a little before the confusion seep in through my mind, why would Hokuto asked to meet in the middle of the day so suddenly? He usually turn everyone down if he was asked to meet, well a miracle exception for Jesse though, they've been so close lately and I think only if Jesse asked him he would ever go out drinking in a coffee shop with someone after a long tiring day at work.   
But it's been a long time since I last hang out with him, and if I may honest with myself, I needed a distraction, and Hokuto opted himself for that, so why let the chance away?

We ended up meet in the nearest coffee shop from his university because I finished all my classes already while Hokuto still got a meeting with his professor, so I suggested him that I would drive to this place and meet him here. When he finally arrived, we just talked casually about things. So many things needed to tell because it really has been a long long time since we ever had a chance to talk like this. But in the middle of our conversation, he suddenly looked uneasy, like he was contemplating something.

"Hokuto, what's wrong?" I asked him, suddenly feeling uneasy too.  
Hokuto didn't answer immediately and he didn't look at me. "Hokuto?" I tried to call him again and this time he finally looked at my eyes.  
"I have something to tell you" his face was determined.  
A little silent before he suddenly blurted out, "Jesse and I, we are dating".   
I honestly didn't know what to say to him, all I could do was staring at him with my mouth slightly open.  
"Kento?" this time Hokuto called me and that brought me back to the situation I was in and I forced my brain to quickly find something to say to him.   
"W-Well, congratulations! I kind of have a feeling that something miraculous going around you two". Hokuto smiled and replied, "thank you". Saw his honest and happy smile, I couldn't help but feeling like going straight home and cry for the rest of the day. But instead of running away, I asked him, "since when?".  
Hokuto answered, still with his happy smile, "we've been together for over a month now. I told the other stones a week after we officially dating, and they've been so supporting all this time. I also told Fuma about this over a week ago".

And then Hokuto stop. The sound of Fuma's name got me feeling like the world under my feet was crumbling and I really need to grab something to hold on. Hokuto looked at me like he was reading my emotion and I didn't dare to look back to him. Without waiting for my reaction, he continued. "I know what's going on between you two. And if you wonder, it wasn't Fuma. I figured it myself. You guys were trying to hide everthing, but as a person who known you for good years already, I could see it that you love each other".

Hokuto's word got me out of guard and I said in defense, "no he didn't love me". Hokuto rolled his eyes and I was seriously offended by that little action. "Do you really need others to tell you how much crazy in love Fuma with you?". I wanted to say something back but Hokuto already continued, "he loves you. And I guess you just so blind in love that you couldn't see the things that was served before you". I didn't really understand what he meant but somehow I felt like his word slap me right in the head. Before I could asked what he meant, he already answered it, "you so blind in love. You love him too much that you scare to death when he said things like 'I don't love you anymore' and because you are currently blind, you couldn't see how much he actually loves you. You misinterpret things because your mind was clouded and your eyes were blindfold. You easily believes his lies, not seeing that he was actually suffering too".

I tried to proccess his words, and when I only managed to understand half of that, I asked him, "What do you mean?".  
Hokuto sighed and answered, "He think he did it for you. All this time he was cursing himself for causing you pain but at the same time he want to protect you and your band so much so he choose to do this".  
"Protecting me from what?!" I honestly confused now.  
"From the jimusho of course!"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Your manager have been suspicious that something is going on between you two. And he asked Fuma what happened. Fuma didn't say anything of course, but your manager told him to be carefull and mind your potitions".  
I suddenly needed more air to breathe. I didn't know about it, why Fuma never tell me about this before?  
"And there are things with your parents too. I heard it from Juri that you hide it from your parents. I think Fuma didn't want to make things bad between you and your family, that's why he chooses to leave you".  
".........My parents know" I blurted it out and met with an uninteligent "huh?" from Hokuto.  
"I told them after we broke up. I was so down and my parents were worried, and I really needed a support, so I told them everything". 

My parents was close to send me to meet a psychologist and when I knew that they actually made an appointment with one and forced me to go, I was furious and eventually confessed everything to them. Sure, they weren't really thrilled at first, but the look of my down state has brought them to the decision to accept it that their one and only child is gay.  
I know I have made them, especially my mother, hurted. And I didn't think I want to made Fuma's family feel the same as my parents felt. So maybe this was actually the best thing to do? And the thing about our manager too. I really wanted to say thay I care nothing about it, but when I remember Shori, Sou, and Marius, I felt like the worst person alive because if I really said that, it means I didn't care about them either.

It was way more complicated than how I thought. And if only someone ever told me before that loving someone this much will also hurt you tenfold, I 'm not sure if I wanted to make Fuma experienced it. But what's already done cannot be undone. I thought I was the only one hurted, but what I didn't know, I was the one who hurt Fuma with dragging him in this mess in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been months, but I got so many things happened, like family events etc.  
> I actually wrote it on November but didn't feel satisfy with how it turns, I still not feeling satisfy, but I thought I would just post it. I already write a draft for the last chapter, but things in real life still get me busy so, maybe it will take another months to finished, but I really really hope I could finish it this month or maybe next month :(  
> AND please forgive me for how this fic has turned and please forgive my messy and grammar-blind English.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time, Fuma promised himself, he won't make the same mistakes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It finally finished. 6 months until we reached the end, wow I'm such a lazy writer.  
> I don't think that I will write another series, since I can't write regularly. But I will definitely post something again.  
> So sorry if this series turns bad, and please forgive my bad writing. (Just a reminder, I kinda grammar-blind).

_어딘가 허전하고 가슴이 아파와. 아직 널 사랑하고 있나봐._  
_(Somewhere within my heart, I felt empty and hurt. I guess I still love you)_  
_널 잊을거라고 goodbye 약속했지만. 아직 널 보면 나 떨려 we got to stay together_  
_(I said I will forget you, I promised goodbye. I still trembling when I see you, we got to stay together)_  
_잠이 오질 않아 너도 나와 같은지_  
_(I cannot sleep, are you too?)_  
_내 생각하는지 아닌걸 알았지_  
_(I know you didn’t think about me)_

"You're home early"  
His mother said to Kento as soon as he stepped into the kitchen.  
"I want to see you off to the airport" he said simply. His mother smiled and said, "It's all right, hun. We can go to the airport with taxi. In fact, we already called them".  
He just nodded and walked closer to help her bring the box that seems like the sweets she bought for his cousin. His cousin held her wedding ceremony this weekend. It’s too bad that she lives in America. Because he couldn't just take a flight and abandon all his works here.

"What take you so long?" his father asked as soon as they came back to the living room.  
"Just packing things" his mother answered.  
Just then they heard the bell ringing outside. "That must the taxi" his father said and started to pull their luggage.  
"Let me help you with that" Kento said to his mother when she was about to lift her big handbag and box she packed earlier.  
But before they could take a step out from the room his father already came back and what's following him behind was the biggest nightmare to Kento’s life.  
"Kento, you have a guest".

When Fuma arrived at Kento's house, a taxi driver already stood there in front of his doorway, and a moment later the door open and revealed Kento's father.  
As soon as his father took notice of Fuma’s presence, Fuma could see the shock on his face. He also looked at Fuma with a really weird and hard expression. Made Fuma want to flee right away. But no, he made the decision to end all these things now.  
So he walked closer and bowed down a little as he greeted him, "It's been a long time. How have you been, Sir?".  
Kento's father still looked at him with those unnerving gazes, but then he talked to the driver to take the luggage to the car. He then looked at Fuma again before he said, "Come in".

Fuma hesitantly entered the house and when they reached the living room, he could see Kento and his mother there. The atmosphere turned heavy and awkward as soon as he stepped into the room.  
"What are you doing here?" Kento asked eventually.  
"I need to talk to you" Fuma answered simply.

Kento’s mother's gaze turned from Kento to Fuma and back again to Kento.  
She looked as pale as Kento, but before Fuma could read more what's the meaning of those looks she gave to him, his father already talked again, "Come on, the taxi waiting".  
His mother whispered something to Kento, but Fuma still could catch what she said because it was really quiet in the room.  
"Are you okay?"  
"It's okay, Mom. You should go now".  
Kento gave the handbag he hold before to his father, and his mother took the package in Kento's other hand.  
His mother smiled awkwardly to Fuma before they left them alone and got into the taxi.

With his parents finally out from the house, Kento dare himself to look at Fuma.  
He tried his best not to breakdown in front of him, but it seems so hard for Kento to maintain his emotion, so he said coldly to him, "You should leave, too. I don't want any talk with you".  
Kento turned around, walked fast to the stairs, but before he could reach them, Fuma already grab his hand, and yeah he couldn't hold his tears anymore.

"What do you want from me?!" he asked him desperately without even turned himself around.  
"I just want to talk to you, Kento!" the sound of his name coming from Fuma's mouth seems so nostalgic that it hurt.  
He still refused to look at him so Fuma grabbed his shoulder and turned him around.  
"Listen. I'm sorry for breaking up with you. For putting you in all these tortures"  
His heart seems to stop at that moment, but then Fuma already talked again, leave no space for Kento to take a breath.  
"Can you forgive me?"  
Kento honestly couldn't answer that question, and after what felt like a minute of silence, Fuma hugged him close, and said, "I'm sorry, Kento. Please forgive me".  
He cried too. Kento could tell by the way Fuma’s voice started to crack.  
Fuma continue to hug him, and Kento continued to cry until all the bad emotions washed away with the tears.

Next thing they know, they’re on Kento couch with Kento tried to clean all the mess after his massive wave of tears.  
"Kento..." Fuma started by calling his name and Kento took a deep breathe first before he looked him in the eye and said, "I forgive you, Fuma. I always am. But, I know why you took that decision, and I honestly don't know what an apology could do to solve these problems".

Fuma didn't even surprise when Kento said that he knew, because he could tell that sooner or later, Hokuto would tell him the things he talked to him.  
"I'm sorry for keeping quiet. And we sure have so many problems to solve right now. Me apologizing to you, surely won't solve all the problems right away. But, we are not that hopeless, Kento".  
Even with his words, the desperation in Kento's didn't disappear.  
"What hope, Fuma? There's no way we could go and create a war with the agency or the whole world!" Kento's voice was desperate too.  
"I know! I'm not saying that we could just go and mess things up! But I don’t want to lie anymore! I love you, and that’s the truth! And don’t tell me that you didn’t love me too, because we know you do”.  
Kento shook his head and take deep breathe before saying, “I don’t know, Fuma. I just don’t know how to love you without hurting you and everyone else”.

This time Fuma looked down, close his eyes and took a deep breathe. He then opened it again, turn his body so he could face Kento.  
“If there’s thing that I learned most in the past months, is the fact that we’ve been hurt so much for not being able to be together” Fuma paused a little and eyeing how Kento blankly stared at the table in front of them before he said again, a little bit slower this time, “What I want is another chance for me, for us, to make this relationship work. Don’t you want it, be together with me?”.  
Kento let a stuttered breathe before looked at Fuma and said, “Listen, Fuma. I really love you. And no way, I’d ever be able to lie about that one fact. But like I said…” Kento didn’t get to finish his words because Fuma cut him right there to say, “I know! That’s why I’m here to tell you all the things we could do to make things work without hurting anyone else!”.  
“Oh, seriously, you have no idea what you’ve talked about, Fuma! What we could possibly do anyway in this fucked up situation?! I don’t see any other way out than the decision you’ve made!” Kento’s talked louder this time. But it didn’t let Fuma’s spirit down, in fact it just made him want to argue more because clearly Kento didn’t know that there are still hopes for them.  
“The first thing we need to do is be honest to ourselves, to each other, and we just did that. We’ve been doing well so far”.  
Kento just rolled his eyes clearly not convinced how could be honest with themselves would bring them anywhere. And Fuma didn’t fail to catch that, but he chose to ignored it and continue.  
“Second, we need to be honest to the others” he paused again but not too long before he said again, “just like what Hokuto and Jesse did to their friends”.  
No words from Kento so Fuma took it to himself to just continue talking.  
“The other day I got a chance to talk with Sou. Yeah, I know. I got a chance to talk to Sou of other people…The thing is, the kids know about us. They aren’t stupid. And Sou told me that they are fine with us being a couple. They fully aware what this could bring to us, but he said that they wanted us to talked to them instead of taking the decision to ourselves. They want us to be happy, Kento. And all these moths, Juri been said nothing but how us, together with the kids, could prevent anything bad to happen to us. And Juri also said that we should be honest and come out to our parents… We should tell our parents, my siblings, about us”.

Another tear slipped Kento’s eye. He took a few deep breathe to calm himself down before confess to Fuma, “My parents knew”.  
“Huh?” was all that Fuma could bring.  
“After you broke up with me, I was so depressed. And my parents forced me to say something, anything. They forced me to meet a psychologist. I don’t want to, so I just confessed everything to them” Kento turned his head to looked Fuma in the eye. He openly cried again.  
“Do you know how hard is it to watch my mother’s cry over the fact that I wasn’t normal?! Do you have any idea how hard is it to watch my father face’s fell when he learned that I was a sinner?! That I was letting their expectation down about my future, about their future grandchild?!”  
Fuma was shocked, but an understanding about their earlier encounter also sank in to his head. Now he understood the looks Kento’s parents gave to him.  
“I don’t think that I want your parents to experience the same thing, Fuma” Kento let out again with tears, thinking about how kind Fuma’s parents are, how adorable Mimu is, and how Fuma is a perfect role model for Towa.  
“Things could go wrong with your siblings, too. Have you ever think about how Towa and Mimu will react about this? They adore you, Fuma. I don’t have the heart to make things bad for them!”

Fuma kept his silence, but Kento only could see a determined look from those eyes. And then Fuma started to talk again.  
“If those are things that keep you resisting me, then just answer this question. Do you love me?”  
Kento looked desperate and defeated before he admitted, “Of course I love you! I already told you so! I tried to hate you, but I failed miserably anytime I see you. I promised you goodbye, and told myself countless times that I would forget you, but then you were there, and I don’t know any more if I could ever hate you or forget you. Every night, before I sleep I would always think about you, whether you think about me just like I do all the time or not. Whether you still care or not…” Kento stopped and just looked blankly to the air.  
“Good” was all that Fuma brought before he moved closer and turned Kento’s to face him. He cupped his cheek. Kento leaned to the touch, marveling at the sparks Fuma’s touch gave to him. Then Fuma pulled him to a sweet, long, and deep kiss, made Kento cry again because it felt too good. After all the months full of tortures and sadness, this one kiss felt like the cure he’d been searching for, like warm home after a long journey in the blizzard, like an oasis in the middle of desert.  
Fuma pulled away and erase the tears from Kento’s face before he whispered, “Come with me”.  
Kento gave him a questioning look, but Fuma just stood up and took Kento’s hand, guiding him outside to his car.  
“I won’t let you have any other reasons to fight me. ‘Cause I’m so done with fighting this” Fuma said once they sat in the car before he started to drive.

Kento kept asking Fuma where they go, but the latter just persistently kept his silence until Kento just stop trying. It didn’t take Kento long, though, to realize where they were heading, because he knows the neighborhood by heart. They were heading to Fuma’s house. Kento started to panic, remembering their earlier conversations but before he could gather his courage to stop Fuma, they arrived in front of his house.  
Fuma got out from the car first and then opened the door beside Kento and basically pulled Kento out from the car, dragged him into the house.  
Kento tried to resist, he pleaded Fuma to let him go, but his hold was strong, and Kento lost all his escape routes the moment Mimu opened the door to run, welcoming them.  
“Fuma-nii! Welcome home! I see you bring Kento-nii, so I just run here to you” Mimu said with wide smile.  
Fuma just smiled and patted his sister’s head. Then Kento heard someone walked to the doorway where they were currently standing. “Kento! It’s been a while! How have you been?” Fuma’s mother greeted him and Kento frantically tried to free his hand from Fuma’s hold while smiling and answered “I-I’m fine, Ma’am”. But Kento couldn’t free his hand from Fuma and he could see that his mother gave a short glance to their hands. Luckily she decided to ignore it and said to them to come in instead.

It actually freaked him out to openly hold Kento’s hand like this in front of his mother, but Fuma was so done with keeping silent. He needed to let everything out for once and for all.  
They sat on the couch at Fuma’s living room, played with Mimu and chat with Towa until Fuma’s father came home and then they were having dinner together.  
They have long since finished the dinner and just talked about things with Kento until Fuma finally gathered his courage and said, “Mom, Dad, I’ve been hiding a secret form you”.  
His parents were startled a little and they asked almost in the same time, “What?”.  
Fuma glanced a little to Kento that sitting across him, and found him looking back at Fuma with the same expression his parents had.  
He gulped and just blurted out, “I’ve been hiding secret from you two, for more than two years now”.  
Kento looked panic now and he whispered, “Fuma… Don’t”. But Fuma didn’t care at his warning at all, so he continued.  
“I’m gay. And been dating Kento since two years ago. Well, we practically on break now because things got pretty messed up, but I’m still gay, and I still love Kento, and I want you all to know about that”.  
Fuma dare himself to glance at his father, he saw that his parents were exchanging secret looks between them. He looked at Kento who’ve been looking down, studying the plate in front of him religiously now. His face was pale, like all the souls have been leaving him.

They were silent after that, even Towa and Mimu didn’t dare to speak up. Telling Fuma how heavy the atmosphere was. But he needed his parents to say something, so he asked his father, “Dad, please say something?”.

His parents shared another glances before his mother said softly, “Actually we’ve seen this coming”.  
All Fuma could do was open his mouth slightly hearing the words came out from his mother. But before Fuma could ask further, his mother already talked again.  
“We’re not stupid, son. We knew something’s going on between you two. And when Towa called us 6 months ago about you coming home in tears and been suicidal since then, let’s say it made a click to us”.  
This time his father shifted on his chair and talked, “Do you aware what you get yourself into? Because with your position, surely it’s a dangerous thing for you two”.  
Fuma looked at Kento who’ve been even paler than possible while said, “I’m fully aware, Dad”.  
“I don’t think you fully understand, son” his father said immediately, and Fuma was quick to throw something back, to defend his decision, but his father was quicker and he said again.  
“We won’t fight your decision. I won’t lie, it’s hard to us. We both are pretty open-minded about this matter, but when we realize that it happened to you, our son, we honestly don’t know what to do”.  
His mother added more to assure them, “But as long as you happy, we won’t say a thing. We’ll just adjust our life with your decision. And Kento is like our son, too. Nothing could really change here, I guess”.  
Fuma tried to read his parents expressions. He could read the resignation on their faces, but nothing like sadness or something depressing so Fuma took it as yes they are really going to support them.

This time, Fuma throw his gaze to Towa who have been quietly sitting beside Fuma. Felt the gaze of his older brother, Towa felt like he should say something.  
“Well, just for your information, Mom’s been giving us lectures about this thing. And I like having Kento-nii around, so is Mimu. No matter what, you’re still our big brother, and like Mom’s said earlier, nothing could really change here. So you also got our supports”.  
Listened to what his brother’s said, made Fuma remember something about his mother and Mimu’s conversations he listened months ago.  
“Lectures? I heard Mom’s talking to Mimu about gay being a problem to our current society… Is that…?” Fuma couldn’t finish his question, but his mother understood, and she answered.  
“Oh, that’s. I didn’t mean it in a negative way. I was telling your sister that society couldn’t accept this thing because they thought it wasn’t normal. But we know that love is a good emotion, right? So, it’s all right for you to have special feelings towards someone with same sex as you” and Mimu just nodded as her mother finished her sentences. 

This conversation was actually heavy for Kento, he was glad that Fuma’s family seemed to accept them without any trouble, but he couldn’t help but felt guilty, so he gathered his strength and said, “I’m sorry”.  
Fuma’s mother who have been sitting beside him, turned immediately.  
“Why are you apologizing? You don’t have to feel bad. We love you as our own son, and we want you to be happy” she said while stroke Kento’s head, and looked at her smile, all Kento could do was just smile back and thank her.

Later that night, Fuma drove Kento back home, and he decided on his own that he would stay a night there.  
Now they’re on Kento’s bed. Kento put his head on Fuma’s arm and Fuma wrapped him close. They both were drinking all the feelings from that one intimacy after all the months longing for it. After a while, Kento felt he should reassure himself that this wasn’t a dream, so he asked, “So, we are together again, now?”.  
Fuma pulled away a little to look at his lover face, “Of course. Are you still resisting me?”.  
Kento chuckled and Fuma’s heart skip a beat faster, because it’s been a long time since he seen it.  
“No, I was just afraid that it was all just a dream, and you’ll be gone when I wake up tomorrow”. Fuma tighten his hug and he kissed Kento’s temple, linger for a while.  
“I’m not going anywhere. Not anymore. I’ve learned in the past months that avoiding you will kill both of us, and keeping you away was equal to try to end your life with my bare hands, so I won’t leave you again. I don’t want to make the same mistake”.

This time, Kento pulled away a little. They looked at each other’s eyes for a moment before Fuma took an initiative to kiss Kento.  
They both kissed like they never have been kissed before. First sweet and just their lips met one another, but then Kento deepen it quickly, and the next thing they knew, the kiss turned into a passionate one, full with lust.

Fuma was the first one to reach for Kento’s shirt and strip him out from the clothes his wearing. And Kento couldn’t concentrate as Fuma’s fingers exploring his body. So he stopped midway from stripping Fuma from his clothes. Luckily Fuma quickly finished Kento’s job and now they both are naked under the cover, still kissing each other with Fuma on top of Kento.  
Fuma started to explore more skin of Kento’s body with his mouth. Occasionally kissed and licked ticklish parts of his lover’s body. Kento couldn’t do much because his head was blurred with pleasures.  
“Fuma, I need you” Kento said to Fuma after a while. And Fuma gave him another long and deep kiss before he finally continued with preparing him.

Kento was tight due to the long separation, and Fuma was half afraid that he would hurt him. But, with the reaction he got from Kento, he decided to proceed until he entered the third finger. And then his finger touch that one spot that made Kento cried a load moan, and Kento reached Fuma’s hand, tried to telling him to stop.  
“Fuma, enough. I want you” Kento’s eyes were dark because of lust and Fuma was all too willingly pulled his fingers and positioned himself in front of Kento’s entrance.  
Fuma stroke Kento’s head once before he kissed him again while pushed inside him. They both were panting so hard and couldn’t keep their kisses right anymore when Fuma finally fully inside Kento.  
From there, Fuma started to move a little to make a friction and Kento moaned helplessly as Fuma keep thrusting into him.  
Kento loved how Fuma treated him with so much care, like he tried to make up all the lost times between them, and it blew his mind. He barely did nothing than clinging to Fuma, but after a while he started to move and created a rhythm together with him. After a while it was all too much for both of them and Kento touch one of Fuma’s hand, guiding it to his erection. Fuma knew what he want, so he grabbed it and started to stroke it in the same rhythm as his thrust. After only a few strokes, Kento found his release and it felt so intense. Made a shiver run through all his body. Fuma followed him after two more thrust because Kento’s muscle got tighter and he couldn’t hold it anymore. Fuma came with Kento’s name coming out from his mouth like a mantra, and that made Kento felt another shiver through his body.

Fuma rest his body on Kento, and when he felt Kento became too still, he pulled out from inside him and settled beside him.  
As soon as he put his head back to Fuma’s arm, Kento hugged Fuma closed and whispered.  
“I love you. Please don’t leave me again”.  
Fuma froze for a moment, but then he hugged him even closer and kissed his forehead.  
“I love you, too. And yes, I’d never leave you again”.

\-------------------------------------------------

“Good morning!” Fuma said to Kento while hugged him from behind.  
Kento laughed as he turned around and properly gave his boyfriend a morning kiss. The kiss was started as a sweet and short one, but Fuma decided right away when Kento tried to pull away that he needed more than that so he pulled him closer and kissed him more passionately.

Their kisses was stopped by a loud complain from someone who’s standing at the doorway.  
“What the heck?! One talk with Hokuto and you guys getting together again?! Meanwhile I spent half a year to convince you with no success!” Juri fold his arms and pouted. Hokuto was beside him, laughed.  
Kento looked back and forth between Fuma and Juri, but then before he could say something, Fuma already said, “Well, sorry, but Hokuto was more convincing than you”.  
“Nice to know that” Juri said sarcastically.

“What’s going on here?” Shori suddenly appeared behind Juri and Hokuto, together with Sou and Marius.  
Then Marius looked at Fuma who was still hugging Kento’s middle, and a wide smile spread immediately on his face.  
“You are together again?! Oh my God! Congratulations!” Marius passed the other and walked inside to hug both of them.  
“Thank you, I guess?” was all that Kento could bring. Meanwhile Fuma just mess his neatly done hair, but Marius didn’t seem to mind that.  
“Okay, okay. Enough with that, baby Marius. Your parents need more time for themselves. Let’s go to our room! I’m only doing this babysitting once, so use this opportunities wisely” Hokuto said suddenly and pulled Marius from Fuma and Kento. Then he also grabbed Shori’s hand who protested immediately about him wanted to put his bag first, but Hokuto ignored it and dragged them out from the room. Juri just grinned and slung his hand on Sou’s shoulder, and then they close the door, leaved them alone in the room.  
“Now that’s not embarrassing at all” Kento said.  
“Well, it wasn’t. They are practically our kids since 5 years ago. And you could just ignore Juri” Fuma grinned, and then he hugged Kento close again, and said.  
“Okay, now let’s continue where we left before”. Kento blinked to those words and before he could process them, Fuma already lured him into another deep kiss.

As they kept the kiss going, Kento thought to himself about how Fuma have been thinking about him. About how he’d been thinking about Fuma. But, that’s not going to bring them anywhere, because, instead of just thinking about one another, they should also thing about them as one package and people they treasured around them. Only that is the way Kento thought could help this relationship work. And when the warmness about the idea seeped into him, Kento smiled into the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish that life is as easy as Fuma's parents open-minded minds... But yeah, not everyone could be as accepting as these fictional characters I imposed into Fuma's parents characters.


End file.
